When we decide to spend our life with “The one”, we come together with diverse expectations of hopes, dreams and desires. These expectations are impacted by what we’ve seen and heard or from what we’ve experienced. Therefore, we are either trying to avoid so that we won’t repeat it with our spouse or recreate something with them. Consequently, when we consciously or unconsciously exchange our hopes, dreams and desires, we bargain, negotiate and bribe each other.
Now, as we share these assuming to attain a successful marital life, our spouses imagine those as expectations with pressure or as a responsibility to be fulfilled by them, that if not met, they’ll end up hurting us. You never go into marriage expecting to get divorced. You go into marriage expecting it’s going to last forever, and you have a lot of ways you dream about the future. You have all these expectations, and then you have to adjust those expectations, and it can be a very unnerving, confusing time-Jenna Fischer.
So, what type of expectations are we talking about here? Yes, it’s the wish list with the tag of “Supposed to” as they are our committed spouse. In this way, instead of committing to the spouse, we subconsciously commit to the concept of what marriage must be like. The point is, in reality, are we ever satisfied with all the deeds met by our partner? How much gratitude do we express to our spouse that provide what they’re supposed to or expected to provide just for being our spouse? Ironically, gratitude is minimal rooted on the concept of “That is what I’ve been expecting all along so I’m not going to thank you when you do it, but I’ll ask you when you don’t”.
Remember, love doesn’t do well in an environment of expectations. Amusingly, everyone knows the answer but doesn’t practice it. To attain a vigorous marriage is quite easy to understand, yet really challenging in practical. With expectations, we will not enjoy the newness of the relationship nor expect the partner to be the primary source of our love or fulfilment, because our partner’s support will never be enough unless we love and nurture ourselves first. It is important to feel that we are contributing in some way to the well- being of others. However, it’s normal of each individual to have expectations about life partners or marriage. The only thin line lies after learning the very practical, specific and simple terms about how men and women are different. We mistakenly assume that when we are in love, we react and behave in certain ways. This attitude leads us to disappointment repeatedly, preventing us from taking the necessary time in communicating lovingly about our differences. Hence, unless we understand each other, our relationship is filled with unnecessary tension, resentment and conflict. Only then, we will be able to improve our communication and hence, incorrect expectations will be easily corrected.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body,
but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-
for we are members of his body”. Ephesians 5:28-30