“Our child needs counselling as he/she no more listens to us. Since you know better, use any type of skills you need in order to change him/her”. This is the initial sentence I hear from desperate parents who want their child to attend therapy sessions. Well, this type of understanding and expectations of counselling is quite challenging for us, counsellors; if put in a more professional way, let’s say counselling psychologists. So, what is counselling all about? In its simplest form, counselling is a two way communication process between the counsellor/therapist and the client. Any conversation they exchange, the therapist only acts as a guide to the client to improve personal effectiveness and comprehend the consequences of the choices he/ she make.
Now, there are two types of client. The first group of clients are those, who are referred/ dragged by their parents or concerned individuals. The other group are those who come for therapy sessions with their own consent. So, what is the difference between these two groups? Their “mindset” is!
Adolescent stage is considered as the most crucial stage as it determines one’s direction for the future. Yes, the child might be a mobile or alcohol addict, substance abused or may manifest aggressive behaviours, may even lie or show symptoms of some type of mild mental illnesses. We cannot be certain that these actions might just be the consequences of their mental state at home. Likewise, adolescent is a transitional period. They can be impulsive, want independence with self- centred attitudes, holds strong peer relationships, search for identity and hence, the stage of experiment.
Nevertheless, the session becomes therapeutic with less probability of relapse only when the client accepts the problem and is ready for psychotherapy. Besides, understanding someone’s outlook towards a problem takes time; which is why, we say that “Rome was not built in a day”. Moreover, most clients do not even realize the struggles they go through, as concerns to deal with, because they take pleasure in doing what they do. Hence, they do not consider it as a distress that is influencing their mental as well as physical health.
The Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) opines that an individual cannot be fully understood or can be treated successfully without first understanding how that individual functions in his or her family system. The question is, “how is the atmosphere at home?” Besides several others, one vital cause lies in the parenting style. In pursuit of meeting the children’s needs, wants and a successful career, parents work tirelessly without realizing their unconscious expectations from the children that stresses them out. Do parents ever think of their own contributions towards driving the children the way they are now? In fact, parents make every effort for the children’s well-being. However in doing so, they neglect the most important part, which is to understand and guide the children recognize their “true identity” and attain full potentialities. Thus, let us try reflecting on our home environment and the whole family system.
Moreover, the client spends hardly an hour per week with the therapist and spends the rest of the time with the family. Hence, the child needs the support and motivation of the whole family members. Most importantly, home environment plays vital role in moulding or ruining a person’s dreams and attitude towards life. Together with the guidance of the therapist and the encouragement from the family, the client is able to cope, communicate and do better.
Merenchila Imchen
Counselling Psychologist