Recently, my wife and I had the joy of attending a wedding in Mokokchung. It was a beautiful ceremony – a reminder of the sacredness of marriage. As we sat among family and friends, witnessing the couple make their vows, something unexpected happened. Our own marriage, now 19 years old, was quietly renewed. In that moment of witnessing a fresh covenant formed, we were reminded of our own. The laughter, the songs, the shared prayers, and the solemn declarations – each detail gently pulled us back to the foundation of our own marital journey.
In a world where relationships are often shaped by fleeting emotions, self-interest, and ever-shifting cultural values, the biblical vision of marriage remains deeply relevant. It is not only timeless but also transformative. The theme – Leaving, Cleaving, and One Flesh – is not a nostalgic return to ancient customs. It is a call to rediscover God’s original design for one of life’s most sacred and joyful unions.
A Timeless Word from Jesus
Let us begin where Jesus began. In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus responds to the Pharisees who questioned Him about divorce:
“Haven’t you read,” He replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus doesn’t engage in the prevailing legalistic arguments of His day – the contrasting schools of Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shammai, both of which debated the grounds for divorce. Instead, Jesus points back to creation. He bypasses religious controversy to reframe marriage in its most original, divine context.
By quoting Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24, Jesus anchors the meaning and purpose of marriage in the very beginning of humanity. These aren’t simply verses for wedding ceremonies – they are theological declarations. They proclaim that marriage is not a human invention or social construct. It is God’s idea, ordained at creation to reflect something much deeper: the covenantal, faithful, and unifying love of God Himself.
Jesus’ emphasis on the three movements of marriage – leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh – offers us a lens through which we can understand and strengthen our own marriages.
Reordering Priorities
Genesis 2:24 begins with the phrase, “a man shall leave his father and mother…” This does not mean abandonment or dishonor. In fact, honoring parents is still one of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12). Rather, “leaving” refers to the reordering of relational priorities. It marks a shift in loyalty – a movement from one primary relationship (parents) to another (spouse).
This is often one of the most overlooked aspects of marriage, especially in our context where extended family systems are strong and cultural expectations deeply rooted. Sometimes, a couple may be physically separated from their parents but emotionally or financially still bound in ways that stifle the growth of their new home.
A man and woman must establish a new household – a new spiritual, emotional, and relational ecosystem. Leaving doesn’t mean cutting ties, but it means establishing boundaries. It is a declaration that “we are now one,” and our decisions, values, and way of life will be led by that unity, not dictated by the pressures of our family of origin.
Leaving requires maturity and courage. It may involve saying “no” at times – not out of rebellion, but out of responsibility. It is about forming a new unit under God, learning to depend on each other, and creating traditions that reflect your shared identity and values.
For many couples, the failure to fully “leave” has led to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even emotional distance. This challenges us to ask honestly: Have we truly left? Have we established our spouse as our primary emotional and relational partner?
Choosing Commitment
The second movement in Genesis 2:24 is “be united to his wife,” or in older translations, “cleave.” The Hebrew word here is dabaq, a word used in Scripture to describe deep, covenantal connection. It implies being joined together in such a way that separation would cause damage – like two pieces of wood glued tightly.
To cleave is not merely to coexist; it is to choose your spouse again and again, even when the feelings fade. It is to remain faithful through storms, to show up when it’s hard, and to invest love even when it is not reciprocated in the moment.
Cleaving is tested not in romantic candlelight dinners, but in the mundane moments – when there are bills to pay, children to raise, illnesses to endure, or silence to overcome. It is the strength that holds a couple together when words fail and only prayer can express the cry of the heart.
We live in a culture that emphasizes individual happiness and personal fulfillment. But biblical marriage calls us to a higher value: covenant faithfulness. A cleaving relationship is one that endures inconvenience, forgives failure, and remains loyal even when circumstances are unkind.
Cleaving is not passive – it’s intentional. It involves daily acts of kindness, regular communication, repentance, affection, encouragement, and often sacrificial love. It’s not something we do once at the altar – it is the discipline of a lifetime.
Living in Deep Unity
The final movement – “the two shall become one flesh” – describes not only the physical union of husband and wife but the profound mystery of spiritual and emotional oneness. This phrase captures the full vision of marriage: intimacy, transparency, partnership, and unity.
To become “one flesh” is to live in deep connection across every area of life. It means cultivating vulnerability – where both partners can be truly known and still truly loved. It means inviting each other into your dreams, fears, goals, spiritual life, and daily routines.
It also means financial transparency – no hidden bank accounts or secret spending. It means emotional openness – sharing joys, struggles, and burdens. And yes, it includes sexual intimacy, not as an end in itself, but as a gift that flows from mutual love, trust, and respect.
In our highly individualistic society, “oneness” is often misunderstood. People fear losing their identity in marriage. But godly marriage doesn’t erase individuality – it redeems it. Your unique gifts, background, personality, and calling are not lost in your marriage; they are refined and celebrated through the union.
Becoming one flesh is a process. It takes time. It requires dying to selfishness, listening without defensiveness, and continually adjusting to one another in love.
As we reflect on these movements of marriage, let us be reminded that our relationship is not just a private journey, but a public witness.
Living Out the Call in Today’s World
Today’s marriages face challenges that couples in earlier generations may not have encountered as intensely – technology distractions, social media comparisons, economic pressures, and career demands that leave little time for emotional intimacy.
Many couples are “together” but disconnected. They share space but not hearts. They fulfill responsibilities but neglect relationship. Even Christian couples can drift apart spiritually – praying in isolation, reading Scripture separately, worshipping in silence.
But the biblical design for marriage invites us to resist the drift. It calls us to return to the source – to God, who created marriage and sustains it. When both husband and wife center their lives on Christ, unity flows more naturally. When forgiveness is rooted in grace, healing becomes possible. When love is nurtured by the Spirit, it deepens over time.
This invitation is not merely theological; it’s deeply practical. Through prayer, worship, honest conversations, and listening to one another’s stories, couples can experience God’s
healing presence and restoration in real time. Why not set aside time every week just for each other – without phones, work, or children? Rebuild intimacy through shared meals, walks, or deep conversations.
There is no substitute for prayer. A marriage that prays together grows stronger spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Even a short prayer together at night can bring unity. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Do not walk alone. Find older couples who can mentor you. Share your struggles with trusted believers. Isolation is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons. Build joyful memories. Serve in ministry as a team. Dream of the future – not just of retirement or children’s success, but of your spiritual legacy as a couple.
A Covenant Worth Reclaiming
Jesus closes His response in Matthew 19 with this powerful statement:
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
This is not just a command – it is a divine affirmation. Your marriage is not an accident. It was joined by God. It is sacred, purposeful, and held by a bond greater than emotion or romance. To treat it casually or selfishly is to misjudge its holy nature.
God’s design for marriage is not outdated. It is the blueprint for human flourishing, joy, and witness. When we align our marriages with His design – when we truly leave, cleave, and become one flesh – we do more than strengthen our homes. We proclaim Christ’s love to the world. Marriage is a living testimony. It is a reflection of the union between Christ and His Church – a relationship defined by grace, truth, sacrifice, and unbreakable covenant.
A Prayer for All Married Couples
Dear Lord, we thank You for the gift of marriage. Help all the married couples to leave the old ways and cling to one another in love. Teach us what it means to become one in spirit, heart, and purpose. Forgive where we have failed, and restore what is broken. Let our marriages be a testimony of Your faithfulness. In joy and in sorrow, in strength and in weakness, help us to walk together – united by Your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
~ Meyu Changkiri
(An extract from the message shared at the Naga Christian Fellowship Shillong Married Couples’ Retreat 2025, themed “Leaving, Cleaving, and One Flesh”)