The most common expression that we hear from elders, especially from married couples is, “Your spouse’s true color will be revealed only after marriage”. Does it sound passionate? Of course not! It sounds quite depressing. This indicates that there are some pessimistic qualities in him/ her that have been patiently waiting to erupt just after marriage.
So, what do we do after hearing that obligatory phrase? We’re already planning for a sour marriage, imagining when and how we’ll ever know our partner’s “true color.” Ironically, this is the first step in instilling suspicion in our partners, which has a direct impact on our mental health. So, do you believe in this “True color” revelation? What does “love” mean to you? What attributes in particular drew you to your relationship in the first place? Do you still have a sense of emotional support? Do you ever feel as if there isn’t enough love in your life?
Initially, everything seems breath-taking as we focus on our partner’s well-being, but gradually, we stop doing things for them and start expecting from our partners. These expectations are either conscious or unconscious. If it is conscious, we have a better opportunity of recognizing and admitting our flaws. If it is unconscious, we are more likely to find flaws that justify all of the duties of an unstable relationship towards our partners. In this way, we do not realize our contributions towards causing the issue and therefore, acts as the victim. John Gray in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” has precisely pointed out the paradoxes of loving relationship. He states that when things are going well and we are feeling loved, we may find ourselves emotionally separating from our spouses or reacting in unloving ways to them.
After reflecting on the questions posed above, what are some of the common issues that arise between majority of the couples? Why do we occasionally feel frustrated or shunned by our partners, reminiscing our initial stages of being in love? We totally forget that love must be realistic and constant so that it exists in every type of circumstances. Subsequently, what happens when we comprehend enough about someone? When we spend adequate time with someone? We become excessively comfortable with them. Thus, if taken for granted, we progressively tend to alleviate our intensity of respect and value for them. Gradually, we no more inspire them to feel appreciated and accepted. This being said, we become proficient of seers and prophets. As anticipated obstacles strike, we reaffirm our hypothesis. Ironically, we expect for difficulties, yet we do not await for constructive approaches of dealing with it. Finally, we do not recognize and acknowledge the contributions we create towards an unsound relationship because we are too busy judging and reviewing their flaws.
In light of the preceding discussion, who is the most crucial player in the creation of an undesirable relationship? It is not about revealing one’s “true colors,” but being mindful, consistent, and faithful to one another on a daily basis. Relationships rarely determine love tales, but they do influence life stories.