Have you ever walked into a room where the tension was thick, though not a word was spoken? The air feels heavy. Smiles are tight. Eyes avoid contact. Conversations happen, but the warmth is missing. Something unseen is unfolding – and you can sense it. That, dear friends, is often the clash of egos.
It’s not always loud. It may never be voiced. But it lingers – in meetings, in fellowship halls, during decision-making sessions, even in worship. It reveals itself in posture, in silence, and in the refusal to yield. This isn’t just a personal issue – it’s a spiritual crisis.
(Note: This is not about any one church, but a reflection shaped by years of ministry experience.)
More Than a Personality Issue
The clash of egos is not merely psychological tension. It’s a spiritual battle. When two or more individuals, each carrying a strong – or at times, inflated – sense of self-worth collide, the damage runs deep.
Pride, insecurity, the longing for recognition, and the resistance to yielding quietly unravel relationships and weaken the fabric of community.
Ego is like a crack in a wall. Left unattended, it spreads. It sabotages friendships, dissolves teams, and turns ministry into competition instead of calling. We shift from asking, “How can I serve?” to “Who’s in charge?” From protecting people to protecting positions.
Paul’s Wisdom on Humility
Writing from prison, the Apostle Paul urged the believers in Philippi: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3–4, NIV)
This was not casual advice – it was a Christ-rooted call to humility. Ego doesn’t just hurt people – it grieves the Spirit. Paul’s vision of unity doesn’t come by force, but through the transformation of the heart.
When Ego Enters the Church
In one long-standing, active church, everything seemed outwardly smooth – services, programs, structure. Yet underneath, something subtle was stirring. It wasn’t doctrinal conflict or moral failure. It was ego.
It started with small signs: comparisons, withdrawal, the feeling of being unseen. Older members felt sidelined. Younger ones felt unheard. Unity eroded. Worship continued – but hearts were absent. The church had form, but no fire.
The Subtle Shift
Faithful elders began emotionally retreating as newer voices emerged. Meetings grew tense. Questions were received as criticism. Affirmations sounded hollow. Fear crept in – the fear of being replaced, of losing influence, of becoming irrelevant. Ego whispers: “They don’t need you anymore. You’re being pushed aside.” And slowly, hearts grow guarded.
A Turning Point
At a church retreat, an elderly brother stood up and confessed quietly, “There were seasons when I made ministry about me… If I had focused more on Christ and less on myself, I would’ve loved more and judged less.”
That vulnerability broke the dam. Others followed. Confessions were made. Hidden offenses surfaced. Healing began – not through programs or policies, but through humble honesty. Spiritual healing often begins not with plans but with the courage to say: “I was wrong.”
Laying Ego Down at Jesus’ Feet
Transformation came when egos were laid at the feet of Jesus. The question shifted from “How do I stay relevant?” to “How can I help you?” Meetings became safe. Fellowship became warm. The church became a family again.
What changed? Not the structure. Not the leadership. The hearts changed – bowing to Christ, not to self. Ego’s grip weakens when we realize we are not the center – Christ is.
When we follow His example, we stop competing and start celebrating. We stop fearing change and start mentoring. We stop seeking the spotlight and start lifting others up.
A healthy church is where the least among us feels as valued as the most visible. Titles do not define us. Servanthood does.
What Ego Does to the Body
Unchecked ego breeds rivalry. It craves recognition. It repels accountability. It places personal agendas above communal good. Feedback becomes offense.
Paul rebuked this in 1 Corinthians 1:10–13, where allegiance to personalities created division. It happens today, too – when preferences become idols, and egos demand loyalty over love.
We are not followers of pastors, denominations, or styles. We follow Christ.
Leadership and the Danger of Ego
In leadership, ego is especially dangerous. Passion turns into performance. Correction feels like an attack. Collaboration dies. Teams shrink inward.
I’ve seen rooms where silence replaced truth – where it wasn’t safe to speak. That is not the Church Jesus envisioned. When leaders are shielded from truth, they are walking a perilous path.
Jesus Redefined Leadership
“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…”
(Matthew 20:26–28)
Jesus flipped leadership upside-down. He came not to be served – but to serve. He wore no crown – He carried a cross. Yet even seasoned leaders are tempted by ego. We begin measuring success by applause, titles, and numbers. We stop listening. We stop submitting. We start thinking we’re the source of the fruit.
That is a dangerous illusion. Ego kills accountability. It resists correction. It isolates us. It chokes relationships. Ministry becomes a possession, not a purpose. Many leaders don’t fall because of scandals. They fall because they stop receiving the truth.
The Tragedy of a Spiritless Church
A church may appear successful – programs may run, numbers may grow – but if ego chokes the Spirit, the fire dies. Worship becomes performance. Grace becomes duty. The soul of the church goes missing.
When we crave control more than communion, when applause matters more than impact, we’ve lost our way. Paul warned: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” (Romans 2:24)
The world takes notice when ego replaces Christ. A proud church is not a credible one. A proud Christian is not a persuasive one.
The Cross Is Our Model and Cure
The cross is not just our salvation – it’s our model. Jesus humbled Himself – and calls us to do the same.
Humility is not thinking less of ourselves – it’s thinking of ourselves less. It’s surrender. It’s serving in secret. It’s being open to feedback. It’s trusting that God sees. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)
Ego cannot survive where the cross is central. The more we gaze at Christ, the less we need to prove ourselves.
God’s Mercy in Our Journey
I too have had to learn this. Early in ministry, I mistook affirmation for anointing. I clung to roles. I ignored the Spirit’s promptings. I thought I was being faithful – but I was afraid to let go.
But God, in His mercy, used mentors, family, and church members to speak truth. I didn’t always listen well. But slowly, I learned that strength comes through surrender. Letting go of ego is a daily discipline. And in every surrender, I’ve found more freedom.
Conclusion
None of us are immune to ego. But neither are we helpless. God’s grace gently exposes what must be laid down. He brings healing where pride has wounded, and unity where ego divided.
It’s not shame that leads us to repentance – it’s love. The love of Christ compels us to step aside for something greater: His Kingdom, His people, His glory.
As John the Baptist declared: “He must become greater; I must become less.” (John 3:30). That is the posture that heals the clash of egos. When we step back, Christ steps forward. When we stop needing to be seen, Christ becomes visible. And when we lead with humility, the Church becomes a place of healing, hope, and holy power.
Let this be our prayer: “Lord, less of me. More of You. In every room, in every role, in every heart – be glorified.”
~ Meyu Changkiri
