Meyu Changkiri
One of the deepest desires of the human heart is connection. From childhood to old age, we long for people who “get us,” stand with us, and walk alongside us through life’s joys and struggles. God Himself declared at the beginning, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). He created us for relationships.
Among all human connections – family, colleagues, neighbors, church members – friendship has a special place. Friends can lift us up, shape us, and even change the course of our lives. But the wrong friendships can drain us, derail us, and distance us from God’s purposes.
Proverbs 27:17 captures this truth in one memorable sentence: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”Just as iron blades strike against each other to stay sharp, true friends shape and strengthen each other’s character. The people closest to us influence the way we think, the choices we make, and the future we walk into.
This article is adapted from a talk delivered at Sabangya Baptist Church. I am grateful to Rev. L. Meren Kichu, the pastor of Sabangya Baptist Church, for giving the theme “Friend Sharpens Friend,” which inspired this reflection.
The Influence of Friends Today
Think about your closest circle of friends. Who are the people you message when you’re stressed? Who do you share your dreams with? Who do you spend your weekends or late evenings with?
If your friends encourage you to pray before a tough exam, that sharpens your faith. If your friends mock you for going to church, that dulls your faith. If your friends help you prepare for a job interview, they’re adding value to your life. If your friends only call when they need money or favors, they’re draining your energy.
We live in a hyper-connected world. Social media gives us hundreds – even thousands – of “friends” or “followers.” But how many of those people actually sharpen us? A “like” on your photo does not equal loyalty in real life. A friend who prays with you, listens to you, and tells you the truth when you’re wrong is worth more than a thousand online acquaintances.
The truth is simple: the friends you choose today shape the person you will become tomorrow.
The Dao and the Smartphone
In the past, village elders compared a good friend to a sharp dao – reliable, strong, and useful. A dull dao, no matter how heavy, is frustrating and ineffective. That picture still holds true.
But today, maybe we could compare friends to a smartphone. When your phone is updated, charged, and working well, it helps you connect, learn, and grow. But when it’s outdated, full of viruses, or constantly draining battery, it becomes a burden.
Good friends are like well-functioning apps: they add value, they make life smoother, they help you stay connected to what matters. Bad friends are like malware: they slow you down, drain your energy, and sometimes even crash your system.
Friendship in the Holy Bible
The Holy Bible is filled with examples of life-giving friendships that remain relevant today:
1. David and Jonathan – Loyal Friends. Jonathan could have seen David as a rival. Instead, he chose loyalty over jealousy. He protected David even when it meant defying his own father, King Saul. In today’s world, Jonathan would be the friend who celebrates your promotion at work instead of envying you, or who defends you when others gossip behind your back.
2. Ruth and Naomi – Faithful Friends. Ruth’s decision to stay with Naomi is one of the most beautiful examples of loyalty. She could have returned to her own people, but instead she said, “Where you go, I will go.” Imagine a young professional choosing to stand by a struggling mentor, or a daughter-in-law supporting her mother-in-law through illness. That is Ruth’s spirit – faithful friendship even when it’s costly.
3. Paul and Timothy – Mentoring Friends. Paul poured into Timothy’s life, guiding him as a younger leader. He wrote letters, encouraged him, and reminded him not to let anyone look down on him for his youth. In our context, this looks like an experienced teacher mentoring a younger colleague, or a senior believer taking time to mentor a university student in faith and life.
4. Jesus and His Disciples – Transforming Friends. Jesus chose to walk with twelve disciples, teaching them, correcting them, and calling them friends. He showed that even the Son of God valued companionship. In a world that glorifies independence, Jesus reminds us that transformation happens in community, not isolation.
Four Types of People in Our Lives
Mike Murdock describes four types of people, and if we look around, we’ll recognize them in today’s friendships:
1. Adders – These friends add joy, wisdom, and encouragement. They’re the ones who text you, “I’m praying for you,” before your exam or job interview. They share their notes when you’re sick, or remind you of God’s promises when you’re down.
2. Subtractors – These people constantly drain your energy. They may always complain, spread negativity, or pressure you into unhealthy choices. Subtractors today are often the friends who push you into endless scrolling, late-night parties, or gossip-filled WhatsApp groups.
3. Multipliers – These are rare and precious. They multiply your impact, connect you with opportunities, and challenge you to dream bigger. A multiplier might be a church friend who invites you to join ministry, or a colleague who helps you discover your true potential.
4. Dividers – These are the most dangerous. They create conflict, spread rumors, and break trust. In our digital age, dividers are the ones who stir fights on social media, create factions in the workplace, or whisper gossip in church corridors.
The challenge is not only to identify these people but also to decide wisely: whom will you allow closest to your heart?
When Friendships Go Wrong
The Bible also warns us about destructive friendships. Samson’s downfall came because of his relationship with Delilah. Rehoboam lost the kingdom when he listened to young, arrogant advisors instead of wise elders.
Today, wrong friendships may not strip away kingdoms, but they can ruin careers, families, and faith. A teenager pressured into drugs, a student dragged into dishonesty, a professional caught in corruption – all often begin with the wrong circle of friends.
As Paul writes, “Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Becoming a Friend Who Sharpens
While we all desire good friends, the greater challenge is becoming one ourselves. Sharpening friendships don’t happen by accident – they are built intentionally.
To be a sharpening friend today means:
1. Encouraging consistently: Send that uplifting text. Make that phone call. Cheer for your friend’s success.
2. Correcting gently: A true friend is honest, even when it hurts. If someone is walking down a destructive path, a real friend says, “This isn’t right. I care about you too much to stay silent.”
3. Being present in hard times: Not just when the celebration cake is cut, but when the hospital visits drag on or when job rejections pile up.
4. Praying faithfully: In a noisy, digital world, one of the most radical gifts you can offer is to pause and lift a friend’s name before God.
Practical Habits for Building Godly Friendships
Choose wisely who you spend time with. Not everyone in your contacts list deserves equal access to your heart. A thousand Instagram followers cannot replace one true friend who shows up at your door when you’re in need. Don’t let subtractors or dividers drain your time and energy. Be the friend who rejoices without envy when others are blessed. Friendships will have misunderstandings. Choosing to forgive and rebuild is part of being sharpened.
Friendship and the Church
Friendship isn’t just personal – it’s also communal. A healthy church is one where friendships sharpen faith. Small groups, choir practices, Bible studies, and prayer circles become places where believers build each other up. But when gossip, factions, and jealousy creep in, the church loses its witness.
As members of Christ’s body, we are called to be friends who sharpen – not divide. In workplaces, schools, and neighborhoods, Christians should model friendships marked by love, truth, and encouragement.
Conclusion
Friendship is not a luxury. It is God’s design for human flourishing. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
In today’s world of instant connections and fragile relationships, we need true friendships more than ever. Remember these truths:
1. God created us for friendship.
2. Good friends sharpen; bad friends dull.
3. Godly friends bless not only individuals but also families, churches, and communities.
A sharp dao cuts effectively. A dull dao is frustrating. A well-functioning smartphone is a blessing; a virus-filled one is a burden. Likewise, friendships either sharpen us or dull us.
Choose wisely. Be intentional. Pray for godly friends, and commit yourself to being one. In doing so, you will discover the joy, strength, and blessing of friendships that last – not just for this life, but for eternity.
(As I shared with the congregation at Sabangya Baptist Church, I remain thankful to Rev. L. Meren Kichu for entrusting me with the theme “Friend Sharpens Friend.” May this reflection continue to bless all who read it, just as it did in that fellowship.)
~ Meyu Changkiri